This post might come across as narcissistic but through some of my personal experiences and experiments I have learn that it is important at times to just filter some people out of your life.
Why? Simply, because you don't feel good around them or about them. I used to be a person and in some terms still am a person who has been fortunate enough to have been surrounded by a lot of people and to admit the obvious I do love having a lot of people to "chill" with. But this past one year I realized that I just don't feel good about/ around some people, don't get me wrong, these are amazing people that's why I got inclined towards them in the first place but at times you just realize that your frequencies do not match or you are not compatible with some people or not comfortable with their ideas of fun and friendship or at times just the sheer expectations or there behavior or whatever. This got me thinking that why am I still around those people who make me feel not so good? Why do I keep giving myself reasons for there behavior or actions that I was not OK with?
Well to certain extent the reason was fear. Fear of losing out and remaining with no one around me. This fear is what led me to say yes to every invitation I got, doesn't matter if I wanted to go or not. This fear led me to stick around people even when it became difficult to manage my life and expectations around it. This fear led me to stick around with people who constantly disappointed me and I got angrier and frustrated as the time passed because I felt trapped. Trapped, because I didn't like some of the people in my life but I felt like I had no choice but to suck it up and smile. I realized that the admiration and love I had for these people was long gone and has turned into anger and frustration and as a result I used to be persistently sad because of no specific reasons at all.
And then one fine day, I got courage to do what I have been thinking and hoping of doing for long. I started detoxifying my life. I realized that I couldn't be in any worse condition than I already was in. Being persistently sad, and having a room full of people or being happy and sitting by myself which would I prefer? I chose the later.
So I started, started with people closest to me who affected me the most and were source of major negativity in my life. I do admit it took all the courage I had to end friendships which were formed over years and relationships which I so prized. I was sad for a long time because no matter how bad these people used to make me feel, I realized that I did love them after all. I questioned my decision as well, thought I have done a major blunder. But just some sort of inertia stopped me from running back to all those people and apologizing and slowly I started seeing the difference in myself.
From a person who used to laugh to show that she's happy, I became a person who laughed an honest laugh which came straight from the heart . I was smiling after a long time, a genuine smile which was not to show a strong and happy front but I was actually smiling! I can not express how it felt like when I was sitting at my desk in office, doing my work and had a smile on my face and suddenly I realized that I am smiling and I am not sad anymore. I was smiling after a very long time, I was not sad after a very long time. From a person who used to fear being alone and hence felt the need to constantly make plans and host a lot of people to just be liked and not be alone, I became a person who was comfortable with being alone and actually now a person who looks forward to her "me-time". I don't have the before-after pictures of my heart and mind to show you the transformation, so you'll probably have to take my word for it when I say that I was a sad person before with a lot of friends and companions and I am happier and more secure person today with lesser friends.
Also, another thing I realized is that these people who I started detoxifying would not have stayed for long anyway.
And I admit I am not truly there yet, I still have a fear of missing out on things, I still get rattled when I think what if one day I am left alone, what if I have no one to go out on trips or outings with. What if I have no one to talk to when I am sad/happy. But then I think of the time when I did hit my rock bottom and I actually had no one around. And it's very true when they say that people can laugh with you, walk with you but they won't fall with you. So you my friend, you should just learn to walk away from all the drama, all those people who don't treat you right, all those who can not reciprocate your love and compassion or who just simply disappoint you. Life is too short to keep on giving third and fourth chances to people. Give yourself those chances and do something with the life that you've got. Do remember not every one can understand you and appreciate you. And not every one is going to treat you well and that is their problem until you let yourself be affected by it and then it is your problem so you either figure out a way to be at peace with them or you just filter them out, and this in no sense means that they are bad people, they are just very different from you.
If you are someone who is in similar situation, all the luck and strength to you. I hope this small heart felt post helps. It's difficult but we'll be there. :)
Happy living!
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