Life on a Detox Mode : Why is it important to filter some people out of your life

This post might come across as narcissistic but through some of my personal experiences and experiments I have learn that it is important at times to just filter some people out of your life. 

Why? Simply, because you don't feel good around them or about them. I used to be a person and in some terms still am a person who has been fortunate enough to have been surrounded by a lot of people and to admit the obvious I do love having a lot of people to "chill" with. But this past one year I realized that I just don't feel good about/ around some people, don't get me wrong, these are amazing people that's why I got inclined towards them in the first place but at times you just realize that your frequencies do not match or you are not compatible with some people or not comfortable with their ideas of fun and friendship or at times just the sheer expectations or there behavior or whatever. This got me thinking that why am I still around those people who make me feel not so good? Why do I keep giving myself reasons for there behavior or actions that I was not OK with?

Well to certain extent the reason was fear. Fear of losing out and remaining with no one around me. This fear is what led me to say yes to every invitation I got, doesn't matter if I wanted to go or not. This fear led me to stick around people even when it became difficult to manage my life and expectations around it. This fear led me to stick around with people who constantly disappointed me and I got angrier and frustrated as the time passed because I felt trapped. Trapped, because I didn't like some of the people in my life but I felt like I had no choice but to suck it up and smile. I realized that the admiration and love I had for these people was long gone and has turned into anger and frustration and as a result I used to be persistently sad because of no specific reasons at all.

And then one fine day, I got courage to do what I have been thinking and hoping of doing for long. I started detoxifying my life. I realized that I couldn't be in any worse condition than I already was in. Being persistently sad, and having a room full of people or being happy and sitting by myself which would I prefer? I chose the later. 

So I started, started with people closest to me who affected me the most and were source of major negativity in my life. I do admit it took all the courage I had to end friendships which were formed over years and relationships which I so prized. I was sad for a long time because no matter how bad these people used to make me feel, I realized that I did love them after all. I questioned my decision as well, thought I have done a major blunder. But just some sort of inertia stopped me from running back to all those people and apologizing and slowly I started seeing the difference in myself.

From a person who used to laugh to show that she's happy, I became a person who laughed an honest laugh which came straight from the heart . I was smiling after a long time, a genuine smile which was not to show a strong and happy front but I was actually smiling! I can not express how it felt like when I was sitting at my desk in office, doing my work and had a smile on my face and suddenly I realized that I am smiling and I am not sad anymore. I was smiling after a very long time, I was not sad after a very long time. From a person who used to fear being alone and hence felt the need to constantly make plans and host a lot of people to just be liked and not be alone, I became a person who was comfortable with being alone and actually now a person who looks forward to her "me-time". I don't have the before-after pictures of my heart and mind to show you the transformation, so you'll probably have to take my word for it when I say that I was a sad person before with a lot of friends and companions and I am happier and more secure person today with lesser friends. 

Also, another thing I realized is that these people who I started detoxifying would not have stayed for long anyway. 

And I admit I am not truly there yet, I still have a fear of missing out on things, I still get rattled when I think what if one day I am left alone, what if I have no one to go out on trips or outings with. What if I have no one to talk to when I am sad/happy. But then I think of the time when I did hit my rock bottom and I actually had no one around. And it's very true when they say that people can laugh with you, walk with you but they won't fall with you. So you my friend, you should just learn to walk away from all the drama, all those people who don't treat you right, all those who can not reciprocate your love and compassion or who just simply disappoint you. Life is too short to keep on giving third and fourth chances to people. Give yourself those chances and do something with the life that you've got.  Do remember not every one can understand you and appreciate you. And not every one is going to treat you well and that is their problem until you let yourself be affected by it and then it is your problem so you either figure out a way to be at peace with them or you just filter them out, and this in no sense means that they are bad people, they are just very different from you.

If you are someone who is in similar situation, all the luck and strength to you. I hope this small heart felt post helps. It's difficult but we'll be there. :)

Happy living!

Bullies, why they do it, how to handle them ?

Ever been bullied? Let me rephrase ever been targeted by someone that made you feel worthless? I think there will be 2% people who will have negative response for this.

So, first how to react to these bullies? Well first response is to give it back to them but this is not something that I'd suggest. Because you need not stoop down to there level and you are way above them. Why did I say you are way above them? Because that my friend is the truth and I am not saying this to make you feel good. Tell me what do you feel when you see a grown man/woman throwing stones at an innocent animal you just think of that person as pathetic moron who needs to feed of those, whom he feels are weaker than him. What do you feel when you see a person dissing about a great personality, you'll probably laugh, because it isn't this persons place to be able to see eye to eye with the person he is dissing about.

See you need to understand this, these people who bully you, they need to do this to feel meaningful. Because they feel inadequate about themselves. It is their inferiority complex that they are trying to cope with, by this bullying. And why you? Because you make them feel inadequate. These are generally the people who know they don't have it in them to reach where you can, so they try to play you down. Just so that they don't feel emasculated.

So, smile my friend and pity such fools, because they fear your intensity, or beauty or intelligence or your personality or whatever. Just pity those people, smile ignore and move on. This should serve as a fuel, as a motivator to achieve what you want.

Someone once said, when people try to pull you down that means you are on the right path. And there is place for only one at the top. So my friend, keep fighting, keep being the amazing you.

Remember, whoever is trying to pull you down, is already below you.

Also, please do keep in mind, if it is going out of hand and is affecting you still, you stand up to this moron. And you can always report this person to Anti Bullying Bureau or near by authorities, this is not something you have to take.

You are not alone, you just need to extend a hand for help, to help.

Be The Awesome You!

Happy Living :) 

Sophie's choice : LOVE or COMPATIBILITY

This 14th February, everywhere I looked I saw happy faces so much in love, long declarations of love, Ed Sheeran's Perfect playing in cafes and lovey dovey captions. Pardon my cynicism if you can, if you can't well this isn't a post for the weak-hearted anyway.

It's not just sitting on the outskirts and commenting on people who try to do something which I am pouring here in this post. This post is a result of personal experiences I have had as a friend, as a girlfriend and as a shoulder to my dearest friends grieving over failed relationships and broken hearts.

This got me thinking how do some couples have it all figured out and some just can't face the test of time.

Does the guy buy more flowers and chocolates, is he more understanding and caring or the girl is more sensible and gives him space or cooks perfect meal? Because I have seen it, I have seen two perfect people, two amazing people not being able to make a relationship work. What is the magic ingredient? Well, according to me it is COMPATIBILITY.

Yep, that's a big word but it's just that much easier when you have compatibility because everything just fits like two pieces of puzzle who belong to each other. People might argue that love is beautiful and it is so powerful it can change people and blah I know all those arguments, I have used those arguments myself at one point of time but the truth is: I realized that if you need the power of love to change someone then answer me this do you really love that person ? Or you just see the potential and you want to be with the modified version of that person because that suits your requirements? Where is love in changing the person you love?

And let's face it guys, love can ignite a fire in you, it can light up a passion in you but for how long and till when? When the curtains are down and the lights are out, you need someone in your life who just gets you without having to explain your every action and every reaction. No! The other person can not have magical abilities, it is cruel of you to expect the other person to just understand you when you have such opposite personalities. When you have different ways of expressing love, anger, happiness, hatred. When your meaning of caring for someone is different, when your idea of entertainment is different, when your idea of good evening is different. When your dreams are different. When your idea of home and happiness is different. How do you expect both of you to be happy with the same things? 

I feel, it's better to be with someone who you are compatible with than to be with the one you love and are not compatible with. Because love can stem from compatibility because you will be able to share moments of sheer joy and mutual happiness but love can not give birth to compatibility because you will be modifying the other person for your selfish motive and that is not the person you fell in love with. 

If you are someone who is facing this tough choice, I wish you all the luck(if you choose COMPATIBILITY, so that you are lucky enough to find your puzzle piece) and strength(if you choose LOVE, to be able to sustain and help each other to be more compatible).

Happy Living, Happy Loving !