The Expectation Theory

How many times have you heard or read somewhere, that it is wrong to expect anything from anyone? How many times have you consoled yourself by saying that you expected too much and that is why you are disappointed.  But is it really your fault that you expect from people? Is it wrong to believe that people are capable of love or trust or friendship? How is it your fault, that the other person didn't hold his/her end of the bargain.

In my opinion, "You shouldn't expect anything from anyone" is a concept created by those people who just need a lame excuse to extract everything out of other people around them and just walk away when it's their turn to do something. It is just another way of getting away after doing something selfish or insensitive.

But if you are a person like me, who has consoled himself/herself by saying it's your fault, you never learn that you should not expect. Stop right now, because why shouldn't you expect? There is a reason you expect, right? You are not a mad, desperate person who is just running around expecting people to cross oceans for you, you are a reasonable person and you expect because you did something for that person, you expect because that person promised you implicitly through his/her gestures and behaviors that he/she is going to be there for you and if this person was not there for you and you are blaming yourself, don't! Because it is not your fault, it never was.

But do learn one thing, learn whom to expect from, choose your people wisely. Choose who you are willing to place your trust in, choose who is worthy of your love and friendship and your efforts. You should be the one deciding to what extent you should be pushing yourselves for lovers, friends, family. Because end of the day it's you who'll be disappointed if you don't make the right choice, if you don't make a wise choice or if you decide in haste. Take all the time you need but choose wisely and if even after such careful contemplation, people do end up disappointing you which they will (because how can it be that simple) don't ever blame yourself, it was never your fault, how can it be your fault if all you ever did was to be there for people you love and expect the same from them. And let me tell you this, the conversion rate on expectations is very low i.e if you place your trust in 10 people and expect from them to show up and if you are lucky then you are going to be disappointed by only 9 of them, but once in a while one out of every ten people will reciprocate your expectations, they'll appreciate your beautiful heart and that'll make all the difference, because this bargain is more than worth it and this how amazing people like you find amazing people like me(don't deny that now). Also, learn from your mistakes, don't keep on giving third and fourth chances and if you do want to give out those chances give those to yourself by telling yourself you deserve not to be disappointed, you deserve better. Also, do you remember that bitch named Karma, well it does exist and it's pretty good at it's job so leave all the rest to it and you do your thing.

Happy Expectations!

Just one Act : that's all it takes

It takes just one act of love, of kindness, of courage, of gratitude or of acceptance. Yes just one act, and it makes all the difference.

This post comes straight from my heart, which was in utter chaos. A month full of broken promises and friendships. A month of full of difficult decisions made, a month full of turmoil and emotional roller-coaster, and a week full of second guessing all the decisions made, full of tears and a viral infection. Well, this will sound overly melodramatic, but I can't help it, I have thing for romanticizing pain as I have grown up on bollywood movies and I love Arijit Singh's songs, so bear with me.

But something happened today, which made me realize that at times, all it takes is one act. One act to save someones day, to save relationships from turning sour, to save someones life, to bring a smile to a teary faced, to bring peace to a troubled heart.

What we often fail to realize is that we are given this power, power to affect people, it depends on us how we use it. We have the ability to make someone's day just by simple act of care or love. We can make our loved ones feel that they are not alone by just taking out sometime from our lives for them.

We are bound by our calendars and our fast paced lives, but it won't hurt to stop and show your love to those who matter because after all this is what counts.

So many times I think of picking up a phone and calling some of my old friends, or my grandparents and I don't because well I get distracted by something. So many times I think of checking in on a person I think might be lonely and then I just shy away thinking it's not my place. So many times I try to reach out to someone I see is in pain but I don't because that person was not there in my time of need (petty I know, but that's me). So many times I thought of reaching out to an old friend who has become a stranger now. So many times I think of reaching out to a stranger who I see sitting lonely at her desk in office every day, and I don't neither do you probably.

But today, I realized how powerful just one act could be. So, I have decided that instead of not bothering or instead of bothering and not doing anything, I'll make a change. Let's try this, let's give love, a big bear hug, a warm smile, morning greetings of how are you to co-workers while you actually listen intently to how they are, hour long phone calls to old friends, a loud and honest laughter, open doors and even more wide open hearts. Because if not us then who else would? We are all so lonely or insecure or carry a baggage, all of us could use a good old big warm love. Sure, there are people who wronged you, sure there are people who you believe are downright evil and may be they are, but how can you decide someone else's karma? At least you can be good to the other half who you tend to ignore or forget about or take for granted, life is too short you know, and I said because us humans like other things tend to procrastinate showing love and care also, thinking we have lifetime ahead of us to show the love that we feel towards someone.

Let's start with a simple act, a simple act to show someone that they mean something to us, a simple act to show someone that they are not alone, a simple act to show that our love, that is all that makes a difference.

This post is my love to the person who said to me once - "I might not be able to give you a solution to your problems, because it's me you know I can't, but I sure can listen to you and when you cry I can cry with you" - cliched isn't it? Well hindi movies you see, but this is the moment I knew I love this person, because these things, these simple acts are all that brings people closer, because in these moments what we experience is shared pain and shared joy and love that stems from that and it is this love that binds two people together.

Happy Loving, Happy living.

Millennial Dilemma

Generation Y, that's us. We are the most privileged generation, because we do not know wars or epidemics beyond movies. We did not have to fight for sitting at the same table as others. We have been privileged, at least in my opinion we are. We got to live in comfortable homes, with sufficient food, and clothes on our bodies. We didn't have to fight for the basic amenities. Some of us even got quality education or an IQ or big money for donations and hence the college degrees as well. Earning well, living well, partying well, travelling, shopping. A life for which we studied, we pushed hard for this, our previous generations pushed hard for this. We are a generation of entrepreneurs. We are the generation of work hard and party harder. We have our "cool" lives and "cooler" vices. 

But we are also a generation of stressed, sad, insecure and downright depressed people. Surprising in't it? Yet not so surprising, you might be one of the very few lucky ones or one of the very few of Generation Y who have cracked the code of happiness and balance in that case stop reading this blog and start writing your own so that people like us could learn from that, as for the rest of you miserable folks who sail in the same boat as me, keep on reading.

Everywhere I look around me, every person I see or talk to is sad/depressed about something (example: breakups( all time winner on the causes of sadness list), jobs/career, family, not travelling enough). Well I am not going to list all the causes you've been there you get it. If someone is not sad then that person is simply so insecure to be himself/herself because he/she is just terrified of failing and more than failing being mocked, of not being cool enough to fit in. And then there are are people who say I am not sad but I am not happy either, I just don't know, I don't feel motivated or I feel lonely or something like that.

We are a generation of people who need to pretend to be having an amazing life while being all fucked up because its not cool to be vulnerable. Its not cool to have problems, its not cool to have emotions. And especially when you see everyone around you having an amazing time with insta-perfect pictures and captions overflowing with declarations of love and happiness and friendship and you are sitting there sulking and thinking and cursing yourself that somehow it is your fault, all that is wrong is your fault because you are somehow inadequate and that is why your life is fucked up. And so you bottle it all inside, slap on your brightest smile, and you are ready, for a insta-perfect picture, with a great caption and everything.

Somewhere in this rat-race of privileged life and for privileged life we were subconsciously/consciously trained to run so fast as to leave all this vulnerability and emotions behind because  there is no place for vulnerability or weakness (yeah I just used them as synonyms, isn't that correct?) in this world, because you'll be eaten alive if you don't man up. But you know, what was the goal we were running for? Some of us are lucky enough to know the goal, some of us have not yet realized it, but as per my knowledge the goal is a happy and comfortable life. Well let me ask you this - what do you have right now? How will the future be any better than it is now. You do have all the ingredients right now, what makes you think that if you are not competent enough or worthy enough or whatever reason you give yourself to not be happy and satisfied or comfortable with your life, you will be in future? 

Don't get me wrong, I am not against achieving more or wanting to achieve more, I am all for it. I am against the idea that we carry around that somehow if we get our dream job, or if we achieve our target weight, if we get into a relationship, or if we get a better group of friends or whatever that we'll be happier. Happiness is not absence of need/want for better life, happiness is acceptance. Accepting of what you have. Happiness is also gratitude for what you have and what you don't have. Happiness is knowing that you lost something that you shouldn't have and being OK with it, because you also got something that you shouldn't have. It is in your own hands, nothing and no one can make you feel good about you and your life till you are not OK with it or better yet thankful for it.

Well, I hope this post helps anyone who reads it, if it doesn't I don't care ( don't get me wrong, I need to be cool about it).

Happy Living!